“Family”

This is not my family. I acknowledge that she is my Mother, that he is my Father, and that she is my Sister, but they are not family. I fully respect them for giving me all they have, but this is not my family. I love them, and I know they love me, but they are not my family. A family does more than love by moral obligation, a family loves purely from the heart. A family makes you comfortable enough to be able to say whatever you are thinking, be it ridiculous or serious. A family wants to know what you want to tell them. A family lets you cry freely, and holds you when you do it. A family breaks rules together. A family gives you space while supporting you to the fullest extent. A family lets you lean on them when you’re not strong. A family understands how to be absolutely ridiculous, and a family always knows when they need to just be solemn and listen. A family cries in each other’s arms. A family cries for each other. A family makes you feel like the most special person alive. A family let’s you go crazy and let out when you need do. A family is always, always, ALWAYS there for you. These people who barge in, these people who are completely and obviously unfair, these people who make SO afraid to tell them anything, these people who make you feel bad for everything you do, these people who you can never talk to, these people who don’t understand when you need to be alone, these people who are not willing to share your happiness, these people who judge everything you do negatively, these people who condemn expressing feelings, these people are NOT my family. When I am with my REAL family, my _____ family, I am the happiest I can be. Whenever I see them, I am finally able to let out my breath and let loose for the first time since the many many months since I last saw them. Every single thing I go through with them is truly fucking magical, because I am feeling this happiness and love that I so rarely feel. I think about them every single day, and every single day, just doing so makes me cry. I can’t believe that I will not be seeing them as much, which was not much AT ALL. I can’t believe how quickly all our time passed by. I cannot even express how much I love them and how thankful I am for them. I can’t tell you how fucking greedy I feel for taking SO MUCH from them, and how selfless they all are for listening and being there and loving. They are the best people to ever walk the earth, it’s fucking unbelievable how incredible some people, are and how rare it is for them to be found. I can’t believe how fucking lucky I am to have them all Without them, I can’t even imagine how fucked up I would be.

P.S. Please excuse how fucking cheesy this is, because this is the complete truth.

I’m extremely pumped

for the next yer of my life.

Fuck this fuckfaced family(once again)

Why the fuck are you so against privacy? Because when you burst into my room every fucking five minutes, it makes me hate you more and more. She said she was disappointed in me when I questioned her reason for building that fucking door. What the fuck!!????!!?! We’re not a fucking communist family, we don’t need to fucking give up our privacy. There is honestly NO way to have space to yourself in this place. They find a way to bother and reprimand me no matter what corner I try and hide in. Fuck them. I actually hate them. And it’s so fucking obvious that she doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else, that none of those fucktards do. So fuck them, how many times do I have to say this, get me the fuck out if here.

"All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own."

October 31st

This day is a reminder that I’m am lucky to have all that I have. I know I spent most of my time on here ranting, but that’s just cause when I’m having a good day, I won’t feel the need to express it on here after bottling it all up during the day. But earlier tonight, my mom reminded me about the significance of this date, and a feeling of gratefulness just washed over me. I aspire to savor what I have rather than desire what I don’t, because honestly, I am extremely lucky to have all that I do.

He is my favorite person in the entire world.

It seems a bit strange that I’ve only spent one week out of my entire life with him. But he is the one person who wholeheartedly cares about me, and does not hesitate to show it. At least, this is the way I felt that first week I knew him and the only week I’ve spent with him. Maybe he is just an amazing caring person who is concerned about everyone. Maybe I was just a mere acquaintance who he has long forgotten about. I’m scared that he only cared about me in that moment I knew him, and that he now just thinks that I am just like any other girl he encounters daily. But to me, he is the mist amazing person in the world, and not a day passes without me longing to spend time with him again.